for the first time in my life i am dat a cry baby. ive cried in the corner. ive cried in the open. ive cried talking to my parents. i was dat depressed. i wanted counseeling. i kept quiet. i didnt talk much. i just changed the subject n laughed it off joked it off. u noe my life this past few months have been so fucked up i dont even noe y. i keep getting sicknesses which ive never even knew would exist. i get out of course from my officer course bcoz of this plus accidents. i've got iron defiecency..i never knew about it. 3 weeks later i got into 2 accidents in 2 weeks. n i was cut up. bruised up. then 2 weeks later i got thyroid.thyroid! wat the fuck is thyroid. its a genetic sickness dat causes u to tremble, get nervousness, short tempered, sweat like youre the glazier, lose wieght. alot of wieght. heart beat races. muscles weaken. cant run. lose stamina. i am a silver medalist n i cant even get a pass anymore. i get hardcore headaches. i get fucked up emoretard. then i get out of course. from an officer course. fuck man i was 5 months in. the course is 9 months. n my officer is telling me dat i have to repeat the whole 9 months again! wat the fuck. i went to ubin i went into fires i got tekan by pti's i got tekaned by my officers i got tough trainings for 5 motnhs. fuck off! dont u get it cpt goh boon han? i did 5 months! wat the fuck do u want me to repeat the 5 months again holy fuck that mean my whole ns life im gona train for 1 year n 5 months. 17 months! fuck you fuck off. i might as well be a fucking private. earn 3 fucking 50 a months get cured off my disease get fat get downgraded. go to them get fit n healthy like i was b4 fucking ns. good thing im the type of perso n who can control my emotions when needed to. i dotn dish it out on frens. i have a fucking good tie to bury the fucking pain. i dot have a gf dtas too bad. i could have dished it out on her. guess droppin dead all those girls i dated combined together makes the pain i have now. retribution. dat was wat my recent ex said to me. recent? dat was 2 years ago. during my teens i had grils in my pocket eat them them throw when full. now all i have thankfully. my family n theee bunch of frens. good thing for em. but still i feel so lonely inside. maybe i deserve it. i just watched thsi dvd called garden state. its quite a new comdey romance movie. it was so sweet. natalie portman is so sweet. the guy is just emotionally detached n she is the opposite. bright funny, a liar. n they click n it was so sweet i thought it was agreat movie though ive never heard of it b4. n im a movie fan. cheese. some girl i dated once is no where to be found anymore a chindian. theres this i wanted to date but now shes in us. there this girl arabicly exotic was too hot to handle. but hey. i did it 2wice b4. im no angel. i drink i smoke but i do nt do pors. i hated gays n bapoks. but now i just got a phobia of em. i had long hair. i have got car n motor license. i got a bike. i want to buy a car. i got sick young so its ok. i think i wont get sick old? but dammit i missed the freedom time. the times in between end of poly and ns. it was a shit load of fun. now im all depressed... alone. girls dont even want to talk to me....but hey im positive. i got a bike and my mom does allow it. she still is the overprotective mom who loves me so much dat if i get a scraych from playing soccer i cant even play anymore. but being me. the nuaghty one in th family i went ahead n bought a bike behind my mothers back n got into 2 accidents in whcih the last one was pretty bad. haha ok my mom got mad but suddenly. im allowed to ride a bike. shocking. if u knew my mom u'd e shocked too. i cant sleep. 2morrows my first day of work after few weeks mc. shit i want some more happiness to fall on me this time around

2006-05-10 - 2:27 a.m.

waha being a firefigfhter in cda is horrid sak. it can kill u. anyways it almost did kill me coz when i was at ubin doing the standard obs i got reli sick n was sent to the polyclinic where i discovered i have iron deficiency haha! what he fuck i was sent home couldnt go outward bound brunei n had a good 1 week of holiday as im on light duty hehehe. talk abt luck. i had evryday nites off. hence i bought a motorbike. yep ive got a blue spark 135 now. yes n guess what? within 1 month of riding, i got into 2 accidents already! one was the exit of havelock road where i convineintly fell from a corner. slide across for abt 10 metres n only getting two small scratches on my left leg n a punk scratches on my knuckles. talk about luck. well the following friday i was on the way to sgh for a blood test appt. n i got into an accident again. this time was beside kampung jawa. the car infront of me jammed brake hence i did too. knowing that my bike has still standard tyres, i conviniently fell again. this time i was reli goin slow yet i fell on the right slid abt 90 degrees n was flown to fall on my left. so this time i fell on both sides. n concidering that my first accident i was travelling at 90km/h n fell n the second one was 50km/h, the second one i had more terrible injuries. my left arm was of total bruises, my right knee scraped. could see white flesh. i had a beep gash on my chin. required stitching. n the best, i had a fractured jaw. ooooo! that was the most painful thing i had to endure. fucking hell i could only eat liquid foor for 4 days. before i could move my jaw arnd. n believe me. eating liquid food for 96 hrs sucks. so when i was going to sgh for appt, i ended up in a&e. n the best thing, i drove there having my rim crooked n my alignment gone. talk about not leaving my bike behind. hehe. so now my parents r pissed coz of the accident n i am still on mc. 2 weeks. talk about luck

2006-04-08 - 11:39 a.m.

P.O.P oh! 3 months of shite is over now come another 1 yr and 9 months of more shite! woohoo not reli looking forward. but 11 days of block leave was geret. finally hang out proper with marsiling treehaus n yeah went out with camp mates. yes im a private now. gona miss my camp mates though . fucking bunch of jokers. this is reli the last times im gona make lots of freinds brother soldier hahaha. no more lowest of the low. hahha. n yeah i sort of placed this entry late but hey i got my posting oredi. n im officailly in civil defence! haha wat a crossover. my wish came true! no more green stuff, no more jungle, M-16, grenades and all those route marches, 7 days field camps, no more tekong and other army related shite. basicly no more green! now its all civil defence! jalan bahar! n the one thing thats damn happening is dat i dont know any fuck about cd. hahaha absolutely nothing. i reli do not know whats gona happen down there hehehe. but i was to happy to think about it coz now im no longer a soldier. happy as i am, it will be another few months before i update again s lets see how shiok or shiong civil defence reli is.

2005-12-18 - 12:51 p.m.

well im an NSmen this firday 9th Sept. i've shaven my head oredi. hah. only part of 3haus say it. well actually they shaved it for me. haha! check it out at myspace or friendster. man 3 yrs of long hair finally came to an end. blank gig was great. hehe at least this time od didnt go bezerker berage. the moshing the kids. the ghost of you song. the struck by red shake the head n scream. after was the malacca trip. 7 ppl in a car. awesome. some ppl think it was an mpv. 1 car 2 bikes. took us 11 hrs just to reach malacca cz of flat tire to the 125z. heh and bad bad storm. n someone made us wait 3 hrs for him not to show. hope he gets back wat he's done. anyways it was heck yeah turning out to be like the old trip heh of coz went to the gunung ledang but this time we went higher. with better longer colder waterfalls. it was a great sight though. n yeah went go karting. we fought with the owner for destroying his go karts. hahahhahaha!!! 9 of us n treating it like monster truck hahaha. so many accidents n so many things broke. of course he got angry but 1 friend couldnt accept it hence the fight. no punches though only pushing n shoving. but still hehe funny sia. our fault n still he dont wanna lose. yeah the 125z broke down 4 times overall. 3 flat tyres. imagine dat. but overall it was an ok trip. goin again this december when 3haus kids get their bikes. anyways yeah thats about it. i miss work. i miss the old freinds. im gona miss my time at home but still hehehehehe i got a dirty little secret that only a few know...

2005-09-07 - 8:37 p.m.

wah new entry. nothing reli super is happening. though i have a job now. it pays 1k. which is etremely good. this saturday im goin kl again to club.(wah club sia.its been a terribly long time). then the next day to the malaccan A'FAMOSA!!! woohoo! and to top it all of. im goin there with my own car! dats a first. usually i cant go johor with the car. worst i cant even go johor. now im goin there with the car. n on a trip. wow. wat glorious freedom my parents give when i finish school. n heading for ns of course. yeah n next week 18th june. im having a gig. at garage studio. i would say its a low key affair but hey who cares its gona be my first gig. so whoever reading this, do come. hence dats it. one job. one trip. one gig coming rite up.

2005-06-06 - 10:38 p.m.

god dammit i need a job i need the money need to pay my saman. obviously cant depend on my bro for money. he always asks for money from me n i give. yet when it comes to me asking for him money. he always never have. fucker. shit man. some one offer me a job man. something dat requires driving and untidy long hair. it seems dat now i find a bike license is so necessary. nvr knew y my parents stop me from having one when they have theirs. class 3 is useless coz they dont accept part timers. most catering services require chinese speaking mofos. fuck off lah chinks. speak mandarin campaign my ass! dont u realize ur neighbouring countries all speak malay huh! motherfuckers. smelly motherfuckers. no eyed motherfuckers. quinty roso babimigo! i want to go back to school. guys better cherish ur school days man. its no fun post education. its just more slacking time get fat and waste time. bicycle i want to ride my bicycle.

2005-04-25 - 3:52 p.m.

i entered the mtv coldplay contest. hope i lose though coz ive never seen denise gellar with so much make up. which has nothing to do with the coldplay contest. huh? i dont understand what im saying too. but yeah coldplay is coming up with new album so as finch. today is the last day i have to study. tomorows my final.final.final exam. and then its all chill from then on. i have been laughing to myself alot these days. smiling, talking to myself. such is the stress from studying. haha. i tot i was goin crazy. but a couple of my classmates did the same thing. all thinking about tomorow. freedom. they can take our time, they can take our sanity, but they'll never take our FREEDOM. (post mel gibson). guys im having the marsiling chalet on the 24th,25th,26th June. yes 3 days 2 nights. two floors. over 50 ppl. catering service. alotta drinks. big bday cake coz alot of guys have their bdays falling on june dat includes me. woah im gona get beating man. haha. k everyones invited. all who noes me. u want to bring ur mantovani's thats fine too. but remember. this is the marsiling chalet. treehaus invited too.

2005-04-14 - 1:01 p.m.

gig in june.sub c.chalet of marsiling kids in june. 17th june dat is.rite after the gig. 3 days 2 nites.over 50 ppl coming for the chalet.treehaus will be invited too.trip to thailand in june.my bday is in june.my lead guitarists bday is on 17th june.the day of the gig n chalet.gona celebrate with me.maybe gona shave bald in june.taking my bike lisence in june.hopefully.gona finish school on15th april.gona have to study like mad from now till 15th april.cant wait to finish school.cant wait to end school and concentrate on my guitar on my band on working and finding her.but boy 3 weeks of study and not going out.dats gona be a pain in the ass.cant wait to play saturday morning soccer at the field.cant wait to play street soccer at nite at marsiling.cant wait to hang out again with marsiling till wee hours at the coffeeshop.cant wait to go johor with em on bikes.cant wait to go out with treehouse.cant wait for june.

2005-03-18 - 11:17 p.m.

jb with treehaus was great actually. 4pm-11pm. actually not all of the tree, pm;y 2 of us were from the bree. hapiz me.. syuk nat wan n izan the rest. did the usual. but ended with singgah selalu restaurant..man dats a good place. big screen showing soccer, sheesha, lots of food, take a taxi only cost 7 ringgit, listen to the radio of the taxi HAHAH MAS!! SO!!! only syuk n zan understand so. hahaha which reminds me. whenever u approach a girl to ask for her number and she answers back. "oh sorry i have a bf" what u say/shout back is " SO!!! I ALSO GOT GF!!!" spontaneous jokes. where else can u get to fit 6 ppl in a taxi but jb. of course hafiz couldnt feel his hand. i duno y he placed it under my ass. bau juboh. the guy who asked for ciigies came again. shit spastik person. man u shold reli wonder y birds shake their head when walking. y the fuck do they have to walk so. they'd chill at the edges of building in a row like as if they were mats searching for a chick. some are like drug addicts too. too tired man. i gota watch soccer. lazy wana update too. eric mana lu

2005-03-06 - 2:11 a.m.

guess i was wrong. i owe ya an apology. u didnt throw the album. in fact u returned it right to my hands. thanks. n sorry as well. it wa nice to see u again. though for 20 seconds. n it is rather funny to see small ppl in big jaguar. with a probabtion plate! hahahaha! man im sure that jaguar sculpture at the front of car would wana run away coz he got a p plate. can u all c the damn jaguar sculpture or not in the first place? or even c a car infront? sori ah but it was a funny sight. though the car's a luxury. c u all soon

2005-03-01 - 12:27 a.m.

i tot u died in india due to tsunami..hahahaha.. not one of my proudest thoughts but funny. i could imagine you so short and just being stempeded by masala making ppl. of coz they dont give shit about ya coz.. we'll they just dont care. seriously its already feb and n still didnt appear on msn i seriously tot u died. now i noe that u've blocked me...awww y? angry about what i said? angry about all those fucks i said? well u should tot about saying what u said? thrown dat album of mine? coz i havent thrown anything of urs? i still have dat book and dat $200. well. i can afford to pay now dat i got a pro under my wings. if u reli did threw my album, u got no heart man. seriously. throwing pictures of memories of ur ex lover over a dispute about a camera, the things i did which i dont think was so horrible. and indirectly money? nope. im just thinking if u threw my album. i didnt say dat u did throw. anyways gona call u soon. upfront. pls blocking me seems ridiculous. childish event of baggins

2005-02-22 - 7:21 p.m.

just got home from johor. so nice to be riding with marsiling again. hakims gotten thinner whereas im getting fatter. gona flop in 2.4km run. seriously flop. ciggies aint helping either. need to chew the gum. yeah wateva lah napha test which i dont plan to take so i can go earlier for ns. danial is exempted. i wont say he's lucky but he got disease man. hahaha gprsblood sickness or something. b4 johor was jamming time. after 2 weeks no jam coz of kl trip and school. jammed at lee's at 5 for 1 1/2 hour. $23. then ate next door. $5. wanted to go chingay. but i didnt bring the car. so. thought for a while. jammed at chai chee next door coz we got sick of thinking what to do and didnt want to jam at lee's coz of that fucking auntie. she gives fucking poor customer service. her jokes are like the hair on my ass. in the end chai chee closed down. a new jam studio opened. some indian studio with a lil indian granpa. maybe he's godpa. one indian auntie. maybe her names sookie, one cute lil indian girl. no name. and one smoking chinese apek. outside the studio. man the jam studio so on sia. and our music so on sia. woohoo. i recommend all of u play there. one hour play. $15. went out and apek still smoking. man i thought he was smoking the ciggies that me hakem dani made up. went home. 10pm. went out again. johor.

2005-02-20 - 2:41 a.m.

what a week. 3 assignments. 2 tests. one week. i did not even got to go out with frens. go school. go home. do work. study. go school. go home. do work. study. man what a fucking week, today is finally friday and finally i got out. session. it is always great to be playing guitars again. making songs. reworking songs. saturday. gona jam. gona go chingay parade. gona find some mantovani. its getting to the edge man. in the mrt i was about to smack this girls cute butt right fucking smack infront of me. only clementi stopped me. what made pre-slap butt idea was unimaginable. it was round tight and asking for a spank. n yes it was an ite chick. man ive become like raging bollocks. or better. renton w/o drugs. if u think u can find a chick in singapore poly, dont. u wont. u have to drop ur view of women to ur balls. its absolutely terrible. evrywhere there are beasts, king kong, stickwomen, flat tits, flat ass, too much make up, the ngongs, the gongs. im not saying that im such a beauty but even a geek would say the women suck down there. places like np, nyp, tp! y are the girls there and not sp? fuck my bellybutton. its has made me say woah to an average girls whom u wont even have a look if she passed u by town or something. help!

2005-02-19 - 1:12 a.m.

god dammit tomorrows the start of the new term. man one week passes by like a day. okay last week saturday was soccer, exhibition at school, then kl trip meeting. last sunday was i forgot what but i knew i watched the arsenal match. last monday was finishing up of fyp in school and mass transfer prac. last tuesday, wed and thur was kl trip, friday was johor shopping, yesterday was soccer we won 4-1! i scored 1 screamer! then nothingness. today? i feel like goin out. town? where else? boring boring

2005-02-13 - 10:22 a.m.

right! k.l. trip was fab. 8 jackasses, 1 van, 3 days, 2 nights and one purpose. to enjoy my one week school term break. was with the marsiling kids. rai(the clown from spawn), rosli(perut), pau, od, jam, yazid, azli and me. the van was 12 seater hence there was lotsa space. i got the back seats beside rai. goddamn rai. bloody joker. the two fatboys always faught. clown vs e.honda. yeah so we were at malacca for the first nite stayed over yazids place. quite big though one story. yeah the next morning sunway lagoon all the way till 6 b4 checking into hotel fortuna. for those waning to go kl do stay there highly recommended. its a good cheap budget place at the center of town, center of shopping centers, clubs, pubs, its a drive to chow kit. or masjid india. and its in chinatown. too bad it was cny hence not many bazaar was open. yet at chow kit i bought alot of stuff. at last went to timesquare. fucking big shoppin center cum theme park. i didnt ride the rides though. didnt have enuff time..yeah dat was the only prob for the trip. lack of time. went clubbing at captains cabin...dont ask me y i went there.. the grp decided to go there. but hey.. it was rnb and ladies nite. it was good i managed to get high after the clubbed closed..wat to do we came at 1am. hahahah pretty stupid yeah? anyways i followed that someone find a pro coz he got way too high and needed sexual favors. hahaha only to end up finding so many bapoks. fuck em..was god damn scared. yeah and there was the illegal street motor grand prix hahha. real man they all..fucking streeet race while othere road users were just travelling by. no crashes though. just a hell lot of noise. yeah we managed to get to the 4th highest building in the wordl. not the twin towers but the menara. 58seconds to i think 400++ feet. kesian, wokay, ROSLI!

2005-02-13 - 3:45 a.m.

Who is Jack?
Jack is a representation of who, what, when, where, how i ever wanted to be. all of u have ur own representation. he/she is nvr visible. yet there. he/she has the strongest voodoo effect on you. u see a rich bastard with cars and money and hot babes and a 16 inch dick and u imagine urself become him. masturbate the serenity of it. u take all sorts of characters of people fix it to ur jig and u'll img him. y? coz u want to become that Jack. that Dok. that John.
u talk to yourself about something and find it ridiculous, laugh and say.."what only?" y the hell am i talking to myself. evry now and then u sing to urself and then laugh n act shy even though ur alone n still say."what only...think i so good like tuafik" u look at the mirror naked and think ur the biggest pornstar in the world then act manly especially when u just shaved evrything off. u trip over something w/o no one noticing and u laugh quietly. im sure all of u have done that. coz u want to become Jack.

2005-02-02 - 11:24 a.m.